Full disclosure: I’m actually re-using one of my old posts from In Love, Engaged today but I’m doing so because I think marriage mentors are such an important tool. And because they’re not talked about much, or sought out that often, by engaged and newlywed couples. Here’s my two cents on why they can help support, strengthen, and even save a marriage.

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We’ve all heard the saying It takes a village to raise a child. Well, what about a marriage? I believe it takes a village to run a marriage as well. At least it takes a strong community, the wisdom of others, and a whole lot of support, encouragement, and guidance. Walking through the early years of marriage {which, it’s true, are some of the hardest you’ll face} with a couple who has been through it themselves is an invaluable tool.

Because what about those of us who never really had a good marriage role model?  Or those of us who don’t live near our families, friends, and original support groups? In addition to offering a model for marriage and a support during difficult times, marriage mentors can help newlywed couples fight isolation, disillusionment, and pessimism.

We enter marriage with high hopes, aspirations, and optimism. Nothing can shake us! We’re in love! And then reality sets in, the stresses of the day-to-day, perhaps some unexpected challenges, and we begin to doubt our ability to face it all. But what we can’t see on our own is that the stresses and challenges and even our doubts and anxieties are normal. That’s where our mentors come in. They sit us down and tell us their own stories of the hardships they faced and the different ways they got through it. They normalize it. And don’t underestimate the power of one person telling another, “It’s OK. What you’re feeling/struggling with/going through is NORMAL.”

But where do you find a marriage mentor? Some communities and churches provide mentoring programs, which I think is a great idea FYI, but you don’t need a program to invite another couple to walk alongside you. Find a couple you admire, whose wisdom you value, who know a thing or two about being married and ask them to meet with you weekly, monthly, or whenever you need it. And once you get through the trenches yourself, find a happy, optimistic, glowing newlywed couple and return the favor.

xo-Kristine